


A Little Bit Of Failure

by camichats



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Communication, Established Relationship, First Time, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Painful Sex, Trans Sirius Black
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-29
Updated: 2020-02-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:35:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22956502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/camichats/pseuds/camichats
Summary: While it's happening, Sirius thinks maybe the first time is supposed to hurt this much. Afterwards, he thinks maybe he was wrong about that.
Relationships: Sirius Black/James Potter
Comments: 4
Kudos: 82





	A Little Bit Of Failure

Sirius bit down on his lip, then bit down harder when the pain got worse instead of easing. Above him, James was panting, trembling a little, but in pleasure instead of pain. Well, Sirius thought a touch bitterly, at least one of them was enjoying this. 

This- fuck, another little jolt of pain as he shifted. This wasn't really any fun, he didn't understand why everyone raved about it. Scratch that, he didn't understand why the person on  _ bottom _ liked it at all. James was clearly enjoying himself, and that- okay it's not like he wanted James to be miserable or anything, but it would be nicer if they were  _ both _ enjoying it. Sirius drew in a ragged breath, letting it out too quickly and heaving another one in. 

"Are you alright?" James asked, voice strained. 

Not really, but surely someone would've mentioned this if it was out of the ordinary. Sirius was just a big baby for pain, he was overreacting, and this was going to feel so good in a minute. "Yeah, 'm fine. You can er- you can move if you want." 

It didn't last long, and the pain didn't go away. It didn't really get worse either, but Sirius kinda wouldn't be surprised if he was bleeding. Of course, once that idea got into his head, it didn't go away, and he actually checked when James pulled out. No blood, thank Merlin, but now his abdomen ached, pulsing uncomfortably. He didn't know where they'd gone wrong. He'd been enjoying himself like hell before they'd started any penetration, so it's not as if he hadn't been turned on plenty when they started. 

"That was erm good, right?" James was looking at him so hopefully that Sirius couldn't bear to crush his mood. 

"I can honestly say, it's the best I've ever had." 

James laughed, pulling him in for a kiss. "I love you." 

"Yeah," Sirius said, kissing him back. "Love you too." 

James cleaned them up, pulled the duvet over them, and they went to sleep. Rather, James went to sleep, and Sirius stared up at the top of the four poster, wondering where it had gone wrong. He'd heard that sex was about intimacy and feeling closer to your partner than ever before, and it's not like he hadn't wanted it, he definitely had, but that hadn't felt good. In the slightest. And how the hell was he supposed to tell James that? He was going to want to do it again, and unless Sirius found out how to make it better, that meant admitting it hadn't been so great. Bugger everything, he did  _ not _ want to deal with this. Having sex was supposed to be a fun thing they could do together, not a new source of stress for him. 

* * *

"Not in the mood?" James asked with an easy grin when Sirius didn't return his kisses as enthusiastically. 

"Not really." 

"Alright." James gave him another kiss, but this one was soft and sweet, more of a goodnight kiss than leading somewhere. He laid down, then frowned at Sirius's back when he didn't join him. They'd been sharing a bed a lot longer than they'd been having sex, so it's not like Sirius expected him to leave or summat. "You okay?" 

"Yeah it's just er." 

James pushed himself back up to a sitting position, then looked over at him. He knocked their shoulders together. "What's up?" 

"I don't think we did it right," he blurted. "Yesterday." 

"What?" 

"It hurt. It didn't-" Sirius shifted uncomfortably. "It didn't feel good." 

"Why didn't you tell me to stop?" James asked, more than a little hurt that Sirius hadn't said something. "I would’ve, you know." 

"I know, I just kept thinking that it'd get better and it didn't." 

Talk about a blow to his ego, but it's not like he'd known what he was doing. Sodding hell, how could he have thought it was a good idea to shag when he didn't know what he was doing? "Shit. Right. Okay, that's my bad, I'll do some research and we'll be fine for next time. Er. Assuming you want to ever try again, I mean." 

"Can we-" Sirius stopped, swallowing thickly. "I dunno, can we try... not? For a while? I mean yeah, we can both do some research and make sure we're ready for next time, but I don't know when 'next time' is going to be." 

"That's fine." 

Sirius glanced over at him, looking surprised. "Really?" 

"Yeah. No need to look so shocked, Sirius, I'm a swell guy." 

Sirius snorted, but he wrapped an arm around James to hug him. "Thanks." 


End file.
